Slacker!

I'm quickly realizing that baby + lack of sleep + over-scheduled days = almost no internet time. I'm keep meaning to come back and update, and then life just keeps getting in the way.

I always imagined that I'd have a hard time being home with a baby. I'm a planner and I appreciate a good schedule, two things that I didn't think would mesh well with a new baby. But somehow I've ended up with the best of both worlds. I'm home with my baby - and I have a schedule! Monday we walk with my mom's group, Tuesday is Itsy Bitsy Group and lunch, Wednesday's free, Thursday is either a drop-in workshop or baby music class, and Friday is a 0-3 month group.

I love it.

I have no idea how I'm going to be able to go back to work...

I have stroller envy!

Now, it's not cheap, but the Orbit Baby System is seriously cool! The straps om the infant seat are flexible, so you can hold it close to your body (Ergonomic!), the seat rotates 360 degrees in the base so you can get baby in and out easily, and it folds up with one hand! Plus, it turns easily and actually comes with a cupholder. (Stupid bugaboo doesn't.)

And the coolest part - it was made by two geeky fathers. I love it. And I seriously want one!

Grayson is a month old...

At 1 Month Grayson is:

• 9lbs 5.5 oz (35%) Up from 7lbs 4oz at birth.
  
• 22 1/4 in (75%)
  
• 14cm HC (25%)
• is wearing newborn size diapers and a combination of newborn and 0-3 month clothing. We had to store his preemie outfits that he wore in the first two weeks and already one newborn sized sleeper
  
• is a big eater. This little guy can mow through 4 oz like it's nothing.
• is starting to lose what little hair he had on the top of his head. Hopefully it's the only time in his life that he'll have male pattern baldness.
• loves his swing when we turn on the 'nature noise'. Maybe he'll be a fan of birds?
• has greyish blue eyes that are getting lighter and and more blue ever day. I hope he'll have Koka's eyes.
• is starting to smile, but only on his schedule. Usually I can get a smile or two in the morning during diaper changes.
  
• has a habit of peeing all over during diaper changes. I think he's going for distance... He's peed on me exponentially more than Koka.
  
• loves bath time. We are now giving him on every night before he goes to bed.
  
• is sleeping between 4-6 hours at a time during the night. (In his own crib!) Usually from about 10pm to 5am.
  
• only likes tummy time when we do it on my chest. Then he looks at me and coos. It is ridiculously cute.
• likes to be in the moby, but is still fighting the sling
• falls asleep almost instantly during car rides or when the stroller is moving. He just loves the motion.
  

My little guy is already a month old, that's crazy!!

Smiley Joe

I've been trying for the last few days to get a picture of Grayson smiling. Sadly, I haven't been incredibly unsuccessful. But, even if I can't get them on film - I'm enjoying them in the flesh.

Here is the best I could capture - 3 weeks 5 days:




Sadly, I tried to get too close - and ended up with Cross-eyed Joe







Too cute.

Best Yoga class EVER.

As Grayson and I adjust to life together, we've been trying to find different ways to spend the days. This week we decided to check out Baby Yoga at Day One. Seriously, it was the cutest thing I've ever seen.


Grayson and his friend Dane had a blast.

The class was based on this series by Helen Garabedian. I recommend picking up the DVD! As much as I love all of the yoga classes I've taken in my life, this was by far the most fun.

Breastfeeding kicked my ass – and other musings

I’ve been stewing on this post for a few days now, but I needed to deal with some of my own guilt and emotional issues first. This is heavy stuff, people.

Clearly, from my previous posts, one can assume that I am severely type A. I like organization. I appreciate being able to classify things in my life. I research things that are important to me and I generally succeed at the things I put my mind to. I didn’t have a doubt in my mind that I would succeed at breastfeeding.

But I failed.

My sweet baby has Clampdown Bite Reflex. Some children grow out of it quickly, for others it takes a long time. Unfortunately for us, it prevented Grayson from gaining enough weight. And two weeks later, it’s still preventing him from feeding at the breast. He just can’t get enough milk from me. It also doesn’t help that I have severe supply issues. As in, I have none.

Everyday I try to feed him, fail, and say I’m done. I say I’m going to give up the good fight and just formula feed. And then every day, the guilt starts all over again.

I think most people assume that breastfeeding will go well. It seems like something that should be intuitive. The baby comes out knowing how to suck, so why don’t we instinctually know how to offer them our boobs? Why doesn’t it work for everyone?

There is no way for me to summarize my struggles with breastfeeding into one post. I just have to know that I really did give it my best shot, and I have to be ok with the fact that it didn’t work. And it won’t magically work tomorrow.

I know there are moms out there that will judge me, but I wanted to give everyone out there that also tried, and failed, that they are not alone. This is tough stuff. And just because breastfeeding didn't work out the way I had hoped, doesn't mean that I am not willing to do everything I can for my son.

There is so much more to write – but I just can’t do it.