Thursday, September 11, 2008

Things no one tells you...

Let me preface with the fact that I'm a pretty happy pregnant lady. So far - I've enjoyed the experience. That said, why didn't anyone tell me about these things!?

Gas.
Seriously, the worst gas of your life when you're knocked up. I think I could single handedly kill a room full of puppies if I let one of these toxic farts loose in a room with no windows. I'd be proud of myself if I wasn't so worried that people will think I'm dead inside.

Body Hair.
WTF. After years of shaving, waxing, plucking and threading my body is now growing hair at an alarming rate. If you left me on an island for only 2 weeks, I highly doubt you would recognize me as the wilda-beast frantically trying to get you to take me home. You would run scared. And I wouldn't be able to blame you.

Swelling actually hurts.
I expected to see my ankles disappear. I was fully prepared for that. But I had no idea that I'd want to actually chop off my feet at the end of the day.

Hungry full.
Ok, I made that name up. But it's true. My uterus has to be to blame for the fact that I'm famished even when I can't physically fit one more morsel in my belly. I can only eat bird sized portions these days - and then I'm stuck staring longingly at plate knowing full well that if I attempt one more bite, I will upchuck.

4 comments:

Michelle Z said...

Wow..could have written this myself!!! Lol- at wiping out the puppies with gas. So true, but HILARIOUS way to picture it!

Koka Sexton said...

I can attest the gas of death would kill a stadium full of puppies. Pregnancy is a bitch on women, that's why I thank God every day to be a man that only needs to worry about prostate exams.

ericab819 said...

This is so funny! Only to be topped by Koka's reply...even funnier.

You'll still be my friend, even as a wilda-beest. :)

see you soon!
erica

emeraldwednesday said...

sooooo true.